watchnight 2022

We met among alphabets.  I saw myself

Greek: walking the walls,

inviolate as logic, mistress

of philosophy’s glassy tongue.

Translation came slow.  I learned to trust

Hebrew’s rich misreadings, risk reading

between the lines: language of faith,

our leap in the dark.

‘Among Alphabets’ 

Helen Tookey

And when night comes, and you look back over the day and see how fragmentary everything has been, and how much you planned that has gone undone, and all the reasons you have to be embarrassed and ashamed: just take everything exactly as it is, put it in God’s hands and leave it …

Edith Stein

FOR NOW WE SHALL SEE THROUGH A GLASS, DARKLY; BUT THEN FACE TO FACE: NOW I KNOW IN PART; BUT THEN I SHALL KNOW EVEN AS ALSO I AM KNOWN 

(I CORINTHIANS 13.12 KJV)

Is there anything I can do to be whole for the coming year?  No; for I am already whole when I am present to the Presence of this moment.  Even if I continue to see darkly, I am also already able to see the Holy face to face, able to encounter the Living Light in the dazzling dark.

Here at the hinge point of the year, can I set aside a breath to acknowledge that I am known?  I am already known as the whole Kate, the sacred child of God I am becoming, however slow my progress towards holiness feels.

For I am on an infinitely open-ended pilgrimage into eternal life. Will I believe the wonder and mystery of that statement?  

Now is not the moment to ask why and how such a thing is possible; this is not a caesura in which to hesitate because I fear that in my knowingdarkly I do not understand anything at all of who God is, or of whom I am in God.  No. 

My calling in this moment, during this watch-night, is to be open and attentive to all the connections the Holy is already running through me.  The Holy wholes me by healing others through me.  I  – the whole Kate, beloved in God’s eyes – am ‘merely’ the conduit for Spirit, created to be a sacred vessel for others to use (however messily).  I am not made to be a finished product, but an ongoing project for God to enjoy, as we co-create wonder on our way.

Co-creating Wonder: this is what I commit to for the coming year.

Being an open channel for the Whole to heal others: this is what I commit to for the coming year.

Continuing on the infinitely open-ended pilgrimage into eternal life: this is what I commit to for the coming year.

Lord, You have always given

bread for the coming day;

and though I am poor,

today I believe.

Lord, You have always given

strength for the coming day;

and though I am weak,

today I believe.

Lord, You have always given

peace for the coming day;

and though of anxious heart,

today I believe.

Lord, You have always kept

me safe in trials;

and now, tried as I am,

today I believe.

Lord, You have always marked

the road for the coming day;

and though it may be hidden,

today I believe.

Lord, You have always lightened

this darkness of mine;

and though the night is here,

today I believe.

Lord, You have always spoken

when time was ripe;

and though you be silent now,

today I believe.

from the Office of Evening Prayer, Expressions of Faith, Northumbria Community

Evening Prayer

living light in dazzling dark (triptych) (iPhone images)